so tired of everything

So, things are going good so far. Josh and I are doing so much better. Times seemed so tough for awhile there, but with 2 weeks away from each other, it seems to have brought us closer together. we are still working on things and trying to be equal in everthing. Meaning we both have chores we do and both have certain responsibilties to take. Besides my normal teaching job I am doing a home hospital, which I have only one student, but that means that on my own time I have to meet with this student 5 hour out of the week. It sucks because I feel like that is 5 hours that I don't get to spend with Ryder, but we really need the money and we are trying so hard to save what we can, so every little bit helps. Also, starting at the beggining of febuary I will be working at nights from 3:15 to 6 :15, 2 days of the week, again, more time away from Ryder. I keep thinking that I am being such a bad mommy for not spending this time with him, but I keep telling myself, the weekends are so much more precious and also, I am saving for Ryders future so he will be able to do the things he wants. I think also this will be my last summer working summer school. I really want to have another baby by april of next year, so I'm trying my hardest to be prepared for all that is to come. Things are so much harder now that josh is also working a second job. I love the fact that he is working to help out more, but I sure do miss him. I love the fact that we both get off during the week around the same time, which gives us so much family time, but now fridays and saturdays seem so lonely.
Besides all that ryder is getting so big! He has to be nearly 15 lbs by now, but he is so tall it evens out! I can't imagine my life without him. All he does now is smile at everything! I love his little giggle, he cracks me up! He is also getting better with sleeping all night! He is such a good boy, going to be so strong and he is going to grow into such a handsome man! I love him so much!!!

Want to do it all!

So, i decided how nice it has been to have my family around. I love all my friends in California don't get me wrong, but I would love so much but to move closer to my family. I figured after next school year would be the best time. I am going to keep my eyes open for a job position in Minnesota. I am sure Josh will be willing to move as well. I hate to take him from his family, but isn't that what life is all about??? Everyone grows up and moves away. we eventually only see each other on the holidays and reunions. I guess eve if I get a job in the Cities, the housing is so much cheaper, I could raise my family in such a good community and I would only be yet a couple hours drive from my mom and dad. Josh and i have been thinking for a while to move, but I really have been wanting to wait 5 years at my job due to my student loans being paid for if I stay at the same school for 5 years. Lets see, quit with one year ahead and start over, or work one more year away from my family and get $15,000 paid off.... we don't even have to think about that one. I guess if we did move then I wouldn't feel so bad about the holidays. I guess I just feel obligated to fly to Minnesota every Christmas because I never see my family. I was extremely disappointed this year due to the fact that my grandma had changed the Christmas party from the 26th of December to the 19th of December, which meant that I saw no one from that side of my family. I could have flown out on the 18th of December has I known. Well, i guess to make up for this misfortune my mom has graciously put together a "meet the baby" shower for Tomorrow. I am extremely pumped because it will be all my aunts and cousins!!! Its exciting to know that my mom would go out of her way to do this!!!

Well, besides all that Ryder rolled over for the first time the other day!!! So exciting!!! He is nearly 14 lbs!!!! I couldn't believe it when I checked, unless my moms scale is wrong!!! LOL
Josh is back in California, I guess running around with all his friends in 70 degree weather, while I am in Minnesota where it has been the coldest all winter at -30 degrees...thats right, I said NEGATIVE!!!! You literally walk outside and instantly your frozen!!! LOL Cars can't even start in this temperature, unless they are in a garage, LOL