so tired of everything

So, things are going good so far. Josh and I are doing so much better. Times seemed so tough for awhile there, but with 2 weeks away from each other, it seems to have brought us closer together. we are still working on things and trying to be equal in everthing. Meaning we both have chores we do and both have certain responsibilties to take. Besides my normal teaching job I am doing a home hospital, which I have only one student, but that means that on my own time I have to meet with this student 5 hour out of the week. It sucks because I feel like that is 5 hours that I don't get to spend with Ryder, but we really need the money and we are trying so hard to save what we can, so every little bit helps. Also, starting at the beggining of febuary I will be working at nights from 3:15 to 6 :15, 2 days of the week, again, more time away from Ryder. I keep thinking that I am being such a bad mommy for not spending this time with him, but I keep telling myself, the weekends are so much more precious and also, I am saving for Ryders future so he will be able to do the things he wants. I think also this will be my last summer working summer school. I really want to have another baby by april of next year, so I'm trying my hardest to be prepared for all that is to come. Things are so much harder now that josh is also working a second job. I love the fact that he is working to help out more, but I sure do miss him. I love the fact that we both get off during the week around the same time, which gives us so much family time, but now fridays and saturdays seem so lonely.
Besides all that ryder is getting so big! He has to be nearly 15 lbs by now, but he is so tall it evens out! I can't imagine my life without him. All he does now is smile at everything! I love his little giggle, he cracks me up! He is also getting better with sleeping all night! He is such a good boy, going to be so strong and he is going to grow into such a handsome man! I love him so much!!!