been a while

Well, where to begin. In March I was ne for a weekend class to Death Valley. When I returned Josh was hiding this girl in my jeep. Yes, a girl, and yes my jeep (I paid for it along with everything else). Well, needless to say I moved out, stayed with a friend for 2 weeks and then moved into my new house. So much has happened since then. We went to court twice. Josh has the kids while I work, so saving on daycare and I have the boys all other times. Josh is still with that girl, Michelle. I am not thrilled that the boys have to be around someone with such a colorful past (drug use and suicide attempt) but atleast they are NOT allowed to be alone with her! Now we were suppose to take coparenting classes. I completed my time, but Josh never did. I have done everything the CO says to the T. Josh told the judge too that in the future my family can only visit the boys during my time and his family during his time. Well, after his parents moved back he really hurt himself there. After all the yelling on the phone from his parents and his mom basically canceling on me to "hang out", I finally gave up a few hours. Well, now Josh is trying to get child support out of me and low and behold I am not going to let that happen! The lawyer is hired and ready! On top of that last Tuesday Ryder came home and told me dad slapped him across his face. Ryder also told Mr that Michelle spanking him, needless to say I confronted dad on both of these and he admitted to the slap, but got defensively with Michelle spanking. I have decided that from that moment if my boys come home with marks or telling me something we were going straight to urgent care. Atleast then if a doctor felt something was happening then CPS would be called. Well, on Thursday I picked the boys up at 6:45, got home and put them into the bath tub because it was so late. So at 7:30 when I was getting the bath ready I took off Gunners shirt and saw the marks. Ok, they could of been from playing, but they were so red. I was sick of it and with the diaper rash that he had received from dad putting him in little swimmers and neglecting to put destin on it all week we headed in. The doctor did seem concerned and explained to me that those marks could have been from rough housing, but they shouldn't be that bad. He told me that the diaper rash could have been from teething (which Gunner is not), but that it has lead to a yeast infection (not being changed or cleaned enough), again a neglect thing. So, doctor expressed he was going to contact CPS because something is going on and dad should not be slapping Ryder across the face. So, yesterday I picked up the boys after work from dads and low and behold CPS stopped by his apartment and apparently he thinks I called. Oh well. I am concerned. I am scared Josh might hurt the boys. I'm sure he loves them, but it should not be coming to this. When I was pregnant with Ryder Josh did punch me across the head,, which looking back now I wish I would have reported. I hope this all stops and Josh gets help or learns patience. I am counting down the days that I can possibly move away. Away from all the drama, near my family, because his family could give a rats asa about me. They don't seem to be at all concerned about the boys yet they take Josh word on everything. It is a joke and its old. I am not depressed. I am finally happy that I am away from Josh, but now it is time to save my boys!